So far today I've drunk two coffees, half a carton of juice and an entire two-litre bottle of Coca Light, but haven't eaten anything.
My clients haven't paid me yet, I'm far behind in studying for my exams and I haven't been running in a week.
On top of that, I haven't accomplished any of my goals on either the personal or professional front.
I feel like I've just been wasting my time for an entire month.
However, it looks like I will be going to Provence in February between when I finish my exams and when I begin my new courses, so all is not bleak!
Tuesday, January 29, 2008
Thursday, January 24, 2008
Cultural Diglossia?
Recently I've been thinking a lot about my studies and I've arrived at the startling conclusion that I am caught between two cultures, if not more. In the last five years, I have invested most of my energy in learning Spanish and, to a lesser extent, French. I've studied their history, analysed their most important changes, read their most famous texts, become well aware of the cultures that surround them. However, I know that I will never be able to become fully Spanish or fully French in the cultural sense. My knowledge of both systems began 10 years later than natives, and for as well as I speak both languages or for as much as I've studied both cultures, I can never relate 100% to all situations since I wasn't raised with their children's songs, I didn't start out in their educational systems, I never experienced grandpa's war stories.
Today in my History of the Spanish Language class, I found myself amazed at the number of important people and works I recognized. My professor rattled off the names of Cervantes, Garcilaso de la Vega, Quevedo and others, and I was proud that I had read them. But then I set to thinking that perhaps I've lost something along the way, particularly my own culture. I've appreciated Voltaire, Molière and, more recently, Camus in their native language. I've studied Goya, Velázquez and Gaudí ad nauseam. I can rattle off the most important phases of European integration. But when I sat down to think, I came to the sad realization that I have never read Hemingway or Kerouac, nor can I recite from memory more than one of Shakespeare's sonnets; I don't really know the compositions of Gershwin or the songs of Judy Garland or the works of Bette Davis (or even Bette Midler); I never experienced the prom or played baseball, nor have I seen Rent or Wicked, on Broadway or off. Hell, I've read more historical texts in Latin than I have anything except The Economist in English lately.
It's not that I'm not proud of the knowledge I have, but the saying, "The more you know, the more you realize you don't know," really rings true to me right now. It's hard to be proud of your accomplishments when your familiarity with various cultures seems so incomplete. New Year's Resolution nº13, subsection 5: Stop being an uncultured fuck: read, watch, experience!
Today in my History of the Spanish Language class, I found myself amazed at the number of important people and works I recognized. My professor rattled off the names of Cervantes, Garcilaso de la Vega, Quevedo and others, and I was proud that I had read them. But then I set to thinking that perhaps I've lost something along the way, particularly my own culture. I've appreciated Voltaire, Molière and, more recently, Camus in their native language. I've studied Goya, Velázquez and Gaudí ad nauseam. I can rattle off the most important phases of European integration. But when I sat down to think, I came to the sad realization that I have never read Hemingway or Kerouac, nor can I recite from memory more than one of Shakespeare's sonnets; I don't really know the compositions of Gershwin or the songs of Judy Garland or the works of Bette Davis (or even Bette Midler); I never experienced the prom or played baseball, nor have I seen Rent or Wicked, on Broadway or off. Hell, I've read more historical texts in Latin than I have anything except The Economist in English lately.
It's not that I'm not proud of the knowledge I have, but the saying, "The more you know, the more you realize you don't know," really rings true to me right now. It's hard to be proud of your accomplishments when your familiarity with various cultures seems so incomplete. New Year's Resolution nº13, subsection 5: Stop being an uncultured fuck: read, watch, experience!
Tuesday, January 22, 2008
Stocks Drop, Temperatures Rise, the Race Is On
In the same day the Madrid Stock Exchange dropped by 7.7 percent, the temperature reached a high of 17ºC (63ºF). The latter is very good, considering it is January and I am already able to run outside and avoid paying and arm and a leg for a gym. The former is very bad, considering it is the largest drop in 20 years and is indicative of other major drops in world markets impulsed by the projected recession in the US due to the sub-prime mortgage crisis. However, if the if the Fed's lowering of interest rates has a positive effect (the dollar doesn't drop more against the euro) and the weather continues to be gorgeous, February promises to be a beautiful month for me!
I'm currently in the midst of a hellish two weeks, given that I have an exam on Friday, another on Wednesday and then three papers to finish for early February. However, there is reason to hope! Tomorrow we're taking a trip to the Palacio de El Pardo, which would seem to imply that my professor isn't too worried about our knowledge of the course material and should also be quite cool. Last week I found out that one of my papers was extended two weeks, and today I've learned that my grade in the class that most worries me is far better than I expected. The prof has given me a 9, an 8 and a 9 on our first three assignments, so provided I don't fuck up the last two, I should be sitting pretty!
I'm currently debating between a few courses for next term and whether to schedule all five of them in one (hellish) day in order to have a four-day weekend to travel. The jury's still out on that one. I've also received notice from two acquaintances that are interested in English classes, so if the scheduling works out, my income is set to go up nicely!
At any rate, writing more would only be delaying the inevitable, so I suppose this shall be all for this entry, dear reader(s?). I just hope that in this race, like so many others, the winner doesn't lose all...
I'm currently in the midst of a hellish two weeks, given that I have an exam on Friday, another on Wednesday and then three papers to finish for early February. However, there is reason to hope! Tomorrow we're taking a trip to the Palacio de El Pardo, which would seem to imply that my professor isn't too worried about our knowledge of the course material and should also be quite cool. Last week I found out that one of my papers was extended two weeks, and today I've learned that my grade in the class that most worries me is far better than I expected. The prof has given me a 9, an 8 and a 9 on our first three assignments, so provided I don't fuck up the last two, I should be sitting pretty!
I'm currently debating between a few courses for next term and whether to schedule all five of them in one (hellish) day in order to have a four-day weekend to travel. The jury's still out on that one. I've also received notice from two acquaintances that are interested in English classes, so if the scheduling works out, my income is set to go up nicely!
At any rate, writing more would only be delaying the inevitable, so I suppose this shall be all for this entry, dear reader(s?). I just hope that in this race, like so many others, the winner doesn't lose all...
Sunday, January 20, 2008
Tough Decisions
I am honestly debating spending my last 5€ to go to Starbucks to study for exams. It sounds crazy, but I do it for two reasons. First, I accomplish absolutely nothing while at home. There's a complete mental division that equates home with comfort and the outside world with work, impossible to mix the two. If I don't isolate myself outside of my flat, I will accomplish nothing, full stop. Second, I've had it with my flatmate hounding me for my rent money so he can go out. Granted, it is his money that I've owed him for three weeks, but I've already told him a dozen times that there's nothing I can do. My mother has deposited $4500 in my account, but since it's in overdraft, they're going to hold it until the 29th. I'm overdrawn because I needed that money, yet they're not going to make it available to me for another week - does that make much sense?
I've also realized lately that, in an odd way, my propensity for procrastination stems from my perfectionism. Rather than beginning things and accomplishing them in a timely manner, I sit and mull over them until it's too late. One of my many New Year's resolutions is to prioritise and finish tasks ahead of schedule, a plan which I need to put into action. I've been worrying about formatting and internationalizing my CV/résumé a lot, but instead of asking for feedback or producing various versions, I've just put it off. Considering I only have about five months to be on the market, do research and line up interviews, I really ought to be pushing myself more. Thankfully I've got Ken in Boston to keep me on track and act as my agent of sorts, and with any luck I'll have a final version completed this week and a few prospects within a month or so!
In other news, as of today I have not had a car for 42 months. Three and a half years without a vehicle - I find it something to celebrate! But on the other hand, I'm dreading going back "home" (or to a new home) and being forced to buy a car for lack of public transport. I've relied on it so much now that I almost can't fathom living someplace where I'm not able to get around easily, not to mention the cost. I've told myself that my first vehicle will be a hybrid and only when I absolutely need one, so we'll see how that plan goes.
In any case, I ought to be off for a run and then to study so my exams don't creep up on me, so this is the end of this rant. Until the next.
I've also realized lately that, in an odd way, my propensity for procrastination stems from my perfectionism. Rather than beginning things and accomplishing them in a timely manner, I sit and mull over them until it's too late. One of my many New Year's resolutions is to prioritise and finish tasks ahead of schedule, a plan which I need to put into action. I've been worrying about formatting and internationalizing my CV/résumé a lot, but instead of asking for feedback or producing various versions, I've just put it off. Considering I only have about five months to be on the market, do research and line up interviews, I really ought to be pushing myself more. Thankfully I've got Ken in Boston to keep me on track and act as my agent of sorts, and with any luck I'll have a final version completed this week and a few prospects within a month or so!
In other news, as of today I have not had a car for 42 months. Three and a half years without a vehicle - I find it something to celebrate! But on the other hand, I'm dreading going back "home" (or to a new home) and being forced to buy a car for lack of public transport. I've relied on it so much now that I almost can't fathom living someplace where I'm not able to get around easily, not to mention the cost. I've told myself that my first vehicle will be a hybrid and only when I absolutely need one, so we'll see how that plan goes.
In any case, I ought to be off for a run and then to study so my exams don't creep up on me, so this is the end of this rant. Until the next.
Simply Complex
I have created this blog because, rather than being sleeping soundly, my worrisome nature has kept me awake in a whirlwind of thoughts, emotions and dreams. I know not what I plan to write about, but since the one thing that I have always excelled at is analysing, it is only fitting that I should derive some benefit out of my overactive brain. I don't know where I stand in life right now, and all I long for is the comfort of someone who listens attentively and knows exactly what to say to make my fears go away. In absence of that person, writing is the next best therapy. Thus, you, dear reader, are subject to my interminable musings and occasional bouts of neurosis. Enjoy, agree, criticise, detest, but most of all, share!
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